On manliness
by NecroticHate
Summary: As Dipper Pines struggles with his self-esteem, his redhead friend encounters a more serious problem. But maybe they can help each other out?


**Greeting everyone. A new small one-piece fanf about our favourite series. Read and review if you are interested.**

* * *

Coming to the Shack this morning Wendy only hoped that the working day would go like the previous one did. And the previous day was entertaining indeed. When the gang returned from the Greasy's where they had lunch - Wendy with her family, kids with their gruncle - they had to set work aside as Mabel suddenly became obsessed with turning Stan into senile Casanova. It was actually a rather fun business for Wendy and Soos, while quite humiliating on Stan's part and frustrating for Mabel, who couldn't bear futility of her attempts.

Approaching the gift shop entrance, Wendy saw a 'closed' sign on the door. That was simply perfect. Despite how much fun she had observing Mabel's vain efforts to make Stan presentable, she would rather hang out with her friends all day long, gadding about in the town doing some random junk. And there was absolutely nothing wrong to slack of work if the Shack was closed anyway. So, without second thoughts Wendy turned around and started walking away, but that was where her luck ran dry.

"There you are," - Stan Pines announced, coming from around the corner. It was just a usual regular Stan, in his underwear and dirty shirt, except for his grey hair being combed and laid with hair gel. - "I have an errand for you."

'Oh no.'

"I have prepared a new party of Mystery shack advertising signs, they're in the gift shop," - he continued. - "take them and go hang them in the spooky part of the forest."

"But the Shack is closed," - Wendy pointed at the sign. - "Today's a free day, isn't it?"

"The Shack doesn't receive any customers, but it doesn't mean that you can twiddle you thumbs all day long."

"Maybe we should open the gift shop?" - the girl made her last attempt to dodge the work. - "You wouldn't have to do anything anyway, but I can stay in the shop in case some tourists come and decide to buy merchandise."

"Sudden scrupulosity attack, huh? We can go one day without profits, and well-placed advertisement will earn more money in a long run. So go to the forest already, you lazy bum!"

"Can't Dipper do this again?" - the redhead groaned. - "Where is he, by the way?"

"Hell if I know," - Stan shrugged. - "Haven't seen him after he ran away from the diner yesterday."

"Yesterday?" - Wendy frowned. - "Shouldn't you be, I don't know, worried about him, or something?"

"I'm worried that he's miking. Now take the signs, some nails and a hammer, and make yourself useful for once."

* * *

'Having Mr Pines as a boss majorly sucks,' - Wendy thought to herself for the tenth time since she got out of the Shack. Hammering down another nail she threw a glance at the remaining pile of signs. There were quite a few. She entertained the thought of just shoving the rest of the signs somewhere under the log or in thick bushes, but tossed it aside. Instead, she got another nail from the pounch of the tool belt Soos lent her, and came to the next tree.

Some twenty minutes later, when she was done and the last sign was hanging in the tree, she let out a sigh of relief. It was time to head back to the Shack, but then an idea formed in Wendy's brains. How would Stan know she's already done? Why not take some free time all for herself, alone in the forest, with no one pushing her around and yelling about customer service? Wendy smiled. The idea was definitely good.

Several minutes of quick walk moved her from the 'spooky' part of the forest, where thick crowns of trees blocked most of the sunlight, making it dark and menacing even during daytime, to the common woods of Gravity Falls, where sun warmed her pale skin, and scent of heated pine needles filled her nostrils. Wind played with the branches, creating a soft and soothing ambient sound from above. Wendy stretched her arms and inhaled deeply, bathing in the moment. The forest was freedom, and as much as she loved company of her friends, loneliness in the woods away from people gave her immense pleasure. She walked slowly, looking around her, noticing and adoring every detail of her surroundings, even the smallest ones - patches of moss on the trees and boulders, young unrolling leaves of ferns, small birds flying between the trees, mountain lion on the hillock. Wait a minute.

Wendy stopped. The mountain lion was some eighty or ninety feet away from her. Animal's yellow eyes were watching her.

'What the-' - the thought flashed in her mind. - 'This close to the town? Alright, Wendy, calm down. First thing to do is to calm down. Maybe there's nothing to worry about at all. Maybe this mountain lion is full, maybe it doesn't want to eat and is not interested in me.'

The predator took a step towards the girl.

'Well, shit. OK, just calm down already. You can do this. Daddy taught you how to do this.'

'But you never practiced with real mountain lions,' - said another voice inside her head. She quickly shoved the voice back down.

'I can totally do it. No point in running, it's faster than me. Can I fight back? I have- what? I have a hammer!' - she took the instrument she used to nail earlier from the tool belt and gripped the handle tightly. - 'I was really lucky to see it from such distance, now I have an advantage.'

'More like 'you don't have a disadvantage' - the other voice said. Wendy mentally kicked to voice across the face and concentrated on the animal in front of her. By that time the feline was not more than forty feet away. Way too close.

'I need to cover my throat and face,' - the redhead thought, taking a slow step backwards, while the creature continued to move closer. - 'One hit on it's muzzle should be enough,' - she took another step back, tripped over something and fell.

'Now you're fucked,' - the other voice said, and Corduroy agreed with it completely.

Mountain lion dashed forward. Wendy screamed in a mix of fear, rage and desperation. She instinctively raised her left hand to cover neck and head with forearm, while her right hand moved backwards, preparing to swing the hammer. Her training was really good, after all. However, the moment predator was ready to pounce upon her, a large pinecone flew from somewhere on the side from Wendy and struck it flat in the forehead. The creature stopped in it's track and looked in the direction pinecone shot out from, searching for the source of insult that distracted it from it's prey. Confusion was written all across it's muzzle. The girl used what little time she had to get up and ready herself for a fight, but she tossed a glance in the same direction, carefully, not to lose focus on the beast. However, what she saw there took her attention completely, because it was Dipper. Or at least, some guy with a resemblance of Dipper. He was his height and had the same face, but that was where the similarities ended. The guy was dressed only in a loincloth, and wielded a spear with a shaft made of bones. On his chest there was a tribal tattoo, and an inscription 'rad dude' was tattooed on his right shoulder and forearm. His face was desperate, but calm.

"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty," - the guy said with Dipper's voice, slowly moving towards the mountain lion. After a couple of seconds of silence, the creature rushed at the newcomer with a violent growl. The guy dodged it's assault, rolling to the side, and quickly rose on his feet, readying his weapon. The predator turned to him and tried to bite him, but he bounced back, swinging the spear simultaneously and cutting clean animal's whiskers on the left side of it's muzzle. The rapid movement so close to it's eye made the creature back down a bit, and gave the guy time to attack. He slashed the spear overhead, aiming again for the muzzle, but this time his opponent was swift enough to bounce back, so the weapon would miss. It tried to counterattack with it's paw, but the guy changed direction of his strike at the last moment, lunging the spear further forward and poking feline's soft pink nose with the tip of his blade. Apparently, a sting in the most sensitive part made the creature change it's mind, and it turned away to quickly retreat from the glade, dripping blood from the injured nose - the weapon must have cut deep enough. The guy lowered his spear, looking after it, and then turned to Wendy, who was so captivated by the sight that she forgot about her situation completely.

"Wendy, are you alright?" - the guy asked, running to her, and she instantly realized that it really was Dipper. His facial expression changed from harsh to nervous and concerned, as he touched her elbow sympathetically.

"Dude, just what in the world was that?" - she asked. - "What are you doing here, where have you been all day, and where are your clothes?"

"I- um-" - he rubbed the back of his neck. - "I was just strolling through the forest. You know, the weather's so good."

"Yeah, right. Dipper, what's going on?"

"I- uh- don't know how to put it." - He scratched his shoulder. - "I was going on a mystery hunt, and-"

"Dipper," - she exhaled heavily. The stress was gone, the adrenaline was running out. She checked her body mentally, wondering if her hands of knees were shaking. They weren't. Good. - "Man. You saved my life, you know that?"

"You're just saying that," - he blushed. - "I'm one hundred percent sure I saved that puma from you, not the other way round."

"Look, I'm flattered, and this is all very funny, but really. Dipper, you saved me," - she looked him in the eyes, and his nervous smile faded. Suddenly, the girl embraced him impulsively, pressing him to herself. For a couple of moments they stayed like that, then she parted away. - "Thank you."

"Anytime, Wendy," - he answered earnestly. His face was burning.

"But anyway, what exactly were you doing here, dressed like this? And what's with the spear?" - she saw tattoo on his right arm that read 'too cool'. Pretty accurate.

The boy sighed heavily, shrugged, and hung down his head.

"I was training with the manotaurs to gain manliness," - he explained. - "And now I'm out for my final quest, I have to defeat Multi-bear."

"Dude, what the hell, I'm asking you seriously! OK, it it's a secret, you don't have to tell me."

"But Wendy, I'm saying the truth!"

For more than a minute they were just looking each other in the eyes in silence.

"OK," - she said finally. - "Let's go back to the Shack, and you'll tell me your story in the meantime."

"But I still haven't finished my quest for manliness," - the boy protested.

"Dipper, don't be ridiculous!" - Wendy cried out. - "What manliness are you talking about? You saved my life a minute ago, fought off a wild animal! And a couple of days before you saved me, Mabel and the crew from two manic ghosts. Do you seriously think you need more manliness?"

"But yesterday at the diner everyone made fun of me when I couldn't beat the manliness tester!" - Dipper complained. - "And your father did it with one finger!"

"Man, this is unbelievably stupid," - Wendy rolled her eyes. - "You can't lift a mountain, so what, does this mean you are not manly? And neither my father can, so what's of it? I don't see how being manly is about a physical strength. You didn't save me and guys from the ghosts with brute strength."

"Yeah, I saved you using the 'Lamby Lamby Dance'," - Pines desponded. - "Is this manly?"

"Yes it is, Dipper! You did it despite you clearly hated it, but you knew you had to. See - you did what you had to no matter what. Way manlier than running around all day bragging about muscles, beards or chest hair, if you ask me."

"You really mean it?" - he smiled.

"Of course I do, man," - she returned him smile. - "And if you are so much concerned with your- um- constitution, you just need to wait a couple of years and see what happens. Besides, you don't want to be like my dad, right? I'm not really into this kind of guys, too beefy, to heavy," - she continued, without even realizing what she was saying, not noticing a blush on her friend's cheeks. - "So, heading back to the Shack? But hey, where are your clothes, anyway?"

"Oh, right, clothes," - Dipper muttered. - "And this," - he raised his spear. - "Wendy, I have to go and finish the quest."

"Just why? What for?"

"To tell you the truth," - he smirked - "I really want to see what a Multi-bear is."

"Fine, but can you at least explain, how did you get the spear, this loincloth, and what's up with the ink? You know, you were absent for more than one full day, I was-" - 'worried'? Nah. - "interested where did you go."

So they went through the forest together, and he told her everything. About his pals Manotaurs and their Man-cave, about his training and everything he has seen in the mountains, about Leaderaur sending him away on his ultimate quest to conquer Multi-bear and to bring his pelt to the Man-cave. By the time he finished Wendy felt her brains itch.

"OK, your story is crazy enough," - she exclaimed finally. - "crocodiles in a mountain river, here in Oregon? That's definitely something new. But if I tell you what we were doing in the Shack all this time, you would not believe it, either."

"Go on!"

And she told him about Mabel's project on moulding a ladies' man from Stan - a ladies' Stan, so to say. Dipper laughed so much that Wendy honestly feared his stomach will burst, especially when she described a cucumber facial mask that Stan eat just as Mabel was putting it on him. They walked through the woods, making puns and jokes about Stan's unenviable fate, when they finally saw a clearing between the trees ahead. They were close to the Shack.

"You sure you want to go hunt that whatever-bear of yours?" - Wendy inquired him.

"I am," - Dipper nodded. - "Don't worry, it won't take long."

"You be careful out there," - she asked. - "And hurry up, you don't want to miss the scene of Stan confessing to Lazy Susan."

"That's right," - Dipper giggled. - "OK, be seeing you," - he waved his hand, before hiking back to the forests. Wendy looked after him for some time, until his tattooed back disappeared between the trees. Would it be strange for a fifteen-years-old girl to appreciate physique of a twelve-years-old boy? Not that she appreciates Dipper's figure, of course not. Why would she, there's no way. That's ridiculous. She turned around and headed back to the Shack.

'We should hang out with Dipper more. He's a funny guy. I wonder what's the next crazy thing that happens to him?' - less then thirty six hours were left till the dance party at Mystery Shack and creation of Dipper's clone army. But of course Wendy knew nothing of it, and it was a wholly new story anyway.


End file.
